Painkillers
by KatieLeanne17
Summary: “Why do you always want to fight?” I expected anger to meet the accusation. I never expected an answer. Especially not the one he gave. Rated T for one word.


Disclaimer: Don't own any of 'em...unfortunately...wistful sigh

The main story is in regular font and is told in first person from Leonardo's point of view. the Itallics are the past events and are in third person...they are explaining the previous event. Sorry if it's confusing, but I don't think it's too bad. :P

* * *

Raphael was hurt. Bad. Don had been in his makeshift lab for the better part of two hours, trying to fix him. I couldn't help but pace outside the door, breathing deeply and trying to steady my heartbeat. For the first time in my life, my training abandoned me. My brother was in there, in more pain than I had ever seen him and it was my fault.

_"Raph, we can't take the risk." Leonardo had spoken harshly._

_"What's life without a lil risk?" was his reply. "Come on, Mikey, we'll do this alone. We wouldn't want Fearless Leader to break a nail."_

_"You're such a hothead!" The nickname always made Leo mad. Maybe it was the condescending tone that Raphael used, but he couldn't stand it. _

_"Fuck you." two simple words. Never had Raphael said them before, never sounded so serious._

I tried meditating, tried drinking tea. I even tried to do a few simple katas, though I couldn't stand to leave my post for more than a few moments before I felt a pull of emotions that persisted until I was back. If only we didn't fight. I know I'm not perfect, far from it. So why did Raph always insist that I was? Didn't he realize how deeply it hurt to hear those words? Didn't he know that I was so far from perfect that it scared me? Yet I still took his bait. I still got angry and fell right back into his trap.

_Leonardo felt as if he had been punched in the stomach. He couldn't breathe. Did he really mean that? Did he really hate his brother so much? Anger consumed Leonardo. After all he had done to try and be a good leader, a good _brother_, Raphael had the nerve to say that?_

_"Right back at ya." he snarled. "You're too impatient. If you tried to take them all on, you'd be killed! Are you really that stupid you can't figure it out?" Leo regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. His fingers twitched at his sides, as if trying to break free from his will and snatch the words out of the air. But the damage was done. _

"Why does he always want to argue?" I sighed out loud. Great, now I was talking to myself. Three hours now, and Don had still yet to emerge from the room. Had yet to give any indication as to how bad off Raph really was. I desperately wished Splinter was here to help him. He would know what to do in this situation. Unlike me. I was worthless. All I could do was stay out of Don's way. Nothing important. I served no purpose. But Splinter was gone, dead for a year, and there was no point in wishing for the impossible.

_Raphael jumped deftly down from his place atop the roof and down right in to the middle of the group of Foot ninja. He sliced away at them with his Sai, parrying blows and kicking; the leader in a deadly dance. The three remaining turtles wasted no time in jumping down and aiding their brother. But Leo had been right; the odds were overwhelming. _

_The battle was strenuous. The turtles were thrown about, ganged up on and jumped. Yet in the end, they prevailed. Except for Raphael. The Foot seemed to take a liking to him especially, seeming to blame him for starting the conflict. Eight ninja were upon him, but he was holding his own. Until the tonfa came out. _

_A small ninja seemed to tire of the ordeal. He slipped a tonfa out from his belt and while Raphael was being held down by three others, the ninja advanced. A sea of ninja isolated Raphael from his brothers. As the other three desperately fought to help him, the tonfa came down._

I didn't want to relive the battle. We had fought numerous battles, and had some serious injuries. Especially Raph. Raphael had actually taken the brunt of almost all of the beatings we ever acquired. That was what made this fight so horrendous. Raphael had lived through everything from minor scratches to broken bones, and yet I had never heard him cry out from pain. Until today.

_The piercing scream that Raph emitted stopped the other three in their tracks for a split second before they increased their efforts tenfold. The ninja had taken down the tonfa and repeatedly bashed Raphael's wrist. He bent down and twisted it until a loud pop sounded, loud enough to cut over all of the other noises. The tonfa came down again, this time on his head._

_"Stop!" Mikey screamed, panicked. He leaped over the remaining few ninja in their way, his nunchaku swinging wildly into anyone stupid enough to get to close._

_Raphael wouldn't cry, no matter what. As soon as he was freed, he grabbed one Sai in his right hand and swung, catching a Foot ninja on the temple. His vision swam and he felt like he wanted to vomit, but he wouldn't stop. He bent over to retrieve his second Sai and gasped. The pain he felt in his left hand was unbelievable. _

_Not soon enough, the battle ended and the four turtles were left, panting and exhausted. Leonardo went straight to Raph._

_"Are you alright?" he questioned, concerned. Raphael gave him a funny look._

_"I'm fine." His words slurred. "Hey, I didn't mean it, bro. I love you." he passed out on the spot._

Donatello came out of the lab, wiping his hands and looking tired.

"How is he?" I couldn't hide the anxious note in my voice. Don gave a slight smile, which didn't completely reassure me.

"He's got a small concussion. As for his wrist," he shook his head. "I had to operate. He dislocated it, but he also tore some major tendons. Do you remember him ever hurting his wrist before?" I shook my head, confused. Was he going to be okay or not? I wanted to shout, but held my tongue; no use making another brother upset for no reason.

"Why?"

"Well, his tendons were completely severed. I literally had to re-wrap them all and fuse them together to some different ones. He's got seventeen stitches in all, and I had to put a pin in his wrist to hold the tendons in place." I looked at him blankly, I had no idea how bad that was. Was he paralyzed? Don seemed to read my mind.

"It'll be really hard. He'll heal, but not fully. He'll be in a surgery cast for ten days, then the stitches come out. He'll be in a cast for a month and a half at minimum, and when it's off, I'll take the pin out and it'll be followed by a removable one and extensive physical therapy. It'll take about six months to fully heal and after that, the most we can hope for is fifty percent of his range of motion back." He seemed to be quoting a text book. I was dizzy. Raph _needed_ his wrist! This was all my fault.

"I shouldn't have said what I did," I mumbled despondently. Don slung an arm across my shell. I wished he wouldn't try to comfort me; I didn't deserve it.

"Of course, that's what I read about it for humans. We heal slightly differently, so he has a chance of healing better."

"Or worse," I replied. Don remained quiet, contemplative.

"He's waking up right now, wanna go see him?" he asked, walking back into the room. Mikey heard that and jumped off of his spot on the couch where he'd been waiting.

It was unreal seeing Raphael like that. His eyes were open, but his head was lolling to the side. His arm was orange from being scrubbed with Betadine, and a thick bandage wound it's way halfway up his arm. He smiled when he saw us walk in.

"Leo, Leo!" he beckoned me over, grinning. I walked closer.

"How you feeling, buddy?" Mikey questioned, smiling.

"My head's all heavy," he laughed in response. I gave Donnie an inquisitive glance.

"It's the anesthesia," he shrugged. "It'll wear off in a few hours."

Raphael looked seriously down at his arm, contemplating. He seemed to be looking at the thickness of the bandage before he grinned widely and curled his arms out like he was flexing.

"Look, look! I'm the hulk! GR!" he laughed. His head rolled back and forth and he chuckled loudly as if he had just heard the funniest thing ever. Mikey couldn't help but laugh. Even Don smiled at his antics. I could only look on helplessly. This wasn't Raph. Raph was always in control.

"Is he gonna remember all this?" Mikey wiped a tear from his eye.

"Yep, right now, he's probably mentally smacking himself for saying this stuff. He knows what he's doing, but he can't help it."

"It's true," Raph smiled from the bed. I grinned down on him and gently held his good hand.

* * *

A few hours later, the anesthesia wore off, and Raphael was back to his old self, almost. He was still on a lot of painkillers, but his personality was back in tact. The two of us were on the couch watching television. Mikey and Donnie had gone to bed a few hours ago.

"What's on your mind, bro?" Raphael turned off the television to face me. He didn't give me time to respond before he continued. "Listen, I'm really sorry about what I said. I hope you know I love you. I'll probably never admit that again, but you do know it, right?" Of course I did. Siblings fight and say things they don't mean. I myself had done so earlier and landed Raphael in this whole mess, after all. But I still couldn't keep the question from rising.

"Why do you always want to fight?" I expected anger to meet the accusation. I never expected an answer. Especially not the one he gave.

Raphael remained silent for a few moments. I thought he was either going to ignore the question or else was silently building a rage up. Finally, he answered.

"It's the only time you're not perfect." he replied quietly. That took me back a moment. Did he really think I was perfect?

"I'm not-" I started to object, but he cut me off.

"You're the closest thing to perfect I've ever seen, Leo. You master everything you try. You surpass everybody in anything you apply yourself to, and I've never seen a more dedicated person!" I wanted to stop him there, but couldn't. some part of me wanted to hear his thought process. "When you get angry, it reminds me you're not perfect. It shows me that you're real, just like us. That you have emotions. I guess it's just something I need to see, because it's so easy to forget." he whispered the last part.

I was stunned. After all the mocking, all of the insults and injuries, _that _was his reason? I couldn't believe it.

"I dunno. I'm gonna blame the painkillers for that," Raph grumbled, flipping the television back on.

"Raph, I'm far from perfect."

"But we don't see that! _I_ don't see that. I love you, and I'd follow you anywhere, but I need to know from time to time that you really are the way you are because you _work_ for it. And you still mess up sometimes. You weren't handed anything, and I just need to see that sometimes. I need to know that all you have become is through hard work and that you aren't just some cold and calculating robot."

I was silent for a few moments more, trying to form a coherent sentence. For the first time in my life, I saw where Raphael was coming from. I knew why he did what he did. It didn't make it any easier, or make it hurt any less when he called me names or made fun of me, but it made me more aware. I felt as if I had gained a whole new perspective into the inner workings of my emotional brother.

"Raph," I pulled him into a hug, mindful of his bad arm. "I love you."

"I'm drugged up on painkillers is all," Raph replied, making us both laugh. Some things would never change.

"Love you too, Leo." he pulled out of the hug and stood up. "I'm tired. Good night." he left the room.

I sat there a while longer, watching the television. I knew we would always fight. We were too similar not to. Yet at that moment, it felt like an insignificant truth. Irrelevant. I stood up and turned off the television. Tomorrow, Raphael's pain would be a lot worse with the painkillers gone, and I had to be well rested to be able to deal with him.

Fin.

* * *

Okay, I have no idea where this came from. I just had the same surgery as Raph, and as I was trying to sleep, I rolled over on to the cast and woke right up…so this story is essentially a means to get me to take my mind off the pain and be able to fall asleep.

Also, I needed to work out my fingers so they don't get stiff and am needing a small break from my other story, so this was the answer! )

This is my first shot at just pure fluff, so thank you for reading and please review and let me know what you think.


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